Awkward

The older I get the less likely I am to tolerate bullshit. I do not want to deal. I do not want to make small talk. I don't want to look in the face of the people who give me a tension headache and pretend I like them. I do not care of they are family or not. 

So, recently I decided to get together for my daughters birthday. It is not a party. I just told a few people to meet up with us and have a little fun. Just like my son's birthday that just passed, I only invited a few people who have kids and would be fun. Well, my sister decided to invite... AND PICK UP... a couple of people I did not need there. Don't get me wrong these people are a big part of my life. Well... WERE a big part of my life. The thing is, they were not very nice to the main person in my life. So while we don't carry around any bad feelings, we don't really have any good feelings for them either. I do my bit out of guilt, and I do not want to ever be rude to someone who I do love. 

BUUUUUTTTT, this is our daughters deal. Me and my husband and OUR family. So, I will be by my husbands side the whole day. I did not have a party because I do not want to host and make that small talk. So now what? I'll tell you what, now I will have to tend to my kids, the three small ones and my husband and "they" will be waddling around somewhere behind. Now I'm the asshole that I never wanted to be. This is the whole situation I wanted to avoid! 

The worse thing about it is then the following week, I'll get bombarded with "Are you mad at me?" "Did something happen?" "I feel like you are avoiding me." That's because I am and I have been for a long time now. This may sound super petty to some people but to someone who has been used and manipulated their whole life by people who now, conveniently, have no memory of any of it, this just makes perfect sense.