At Arms Length

Today I am going to talk about pushing people away.

We have all done it. Some of us have done it on purpose. Some of us are doing it constantly everyday without even noticing.

We push our kids away by not validating their feelings. We push our friends away by not taking their calls. We push our lovers away by using the excuse that we are too tired. When does enough become enough? Are we obligated to tell someone that we feel like we are being pushed away?

I would rather not talk about it. Why?

"I feel like you are pushing me away."
"I'm not pushing you away, I love you."

or

"Please do not push me away"
"If I was pushing you away, you would know it."

Oooookay. So, that would be the end of that conversation. When I was younger, I tried so hard to explain how I felt to my friends, family, boyfriend because I wanted them to know without a doubt that I was trying very hard to keep them around. I absolutely hate losing people that I love. Perhaps most of the time I hold on to people a little too much because of that.

Now I don't feel the need to hold on to people as much. I am busy with my kids and I would really rather be with them. I haven't been feeling well and I notice more and more who really matters and I matter to. So now that my circle is so small, I notice when someone pushes me away and it stings all the more. I'm older and I'm tired and I don't bounce back as quick.

How long before the push away becomes a throw away?