A letter to The Fat Girl

I've watched you pretty closely since starting out nutrition class. At first, I was relieved when you entered because it meant I wouldn't be the biggest person there. Then week after week, I noticed different things. I love your cool nails, gel mani I presume. You had the coolest handbag, even if it was made of AstroTurf. You had short hair, which I don't have the guts for. Then today, you walk in wearing a crop top and piggy suspenders. Piggy suspenders for Pete's sake.

As we went around the room, each of us saying what we got out of the class and our plan for long term success, I have to say you shocked the hell out of me. You decided against the weight loss surgery you have been prepping for the last 12 weeks. You said, you didn't want to lose your identity or your support in the "fat awareness" community. I get that. I am a wife, mother, student and I really don't know what else. I'm not quick to remember my identity. What I do know is that I am not a fat girl. I am not this fat girl. I am not the fat girl that I have become.

I can't wait to go under the knife and be released from this LapBand that has been digging a hole in my stomach for years. I can not wait to cut back those layers of scar tissue that have been my undoing since that useless things was placed inside me. I do not want fat people support. I want to be healthy. I want to fit in EVERY ride at the carnival. I want to run after my kids. I want my parts to be high and stay dry.

I thank you for the courage to be different, I thank you for showing your confidence. I even thank you for staying fat. It takes all kinds to make the world go round and I am not the one to fight the big is beautiful fight. I am not beautifully big. You are. In a few weeks, we graduate from this program and go our separate ways. I hope your life is fulfilling. I hope you change the world. As for me, I am taking my second chance and running with it.